I feel like this is going to be bad.
I just want someone to tell me that everything will be okay, that I’m not an idiot and everything I do for everyone will pay off one day.
But I know it won’t. I’m wasting my life on other people.
I don’t like this at all.
Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try or no matter what I do, no one really notices anything I do.
No one notices how hard I’ve been working, everything I’m doing to finish up school, or credits me for finally finishing high school and still working my ass off.
I feel like no matter what I do, for some people, I’ll never be enough.
“You never spend time with me anymore, I hate it.”
And yet, every time I try to talk to you or tell you a story you don’t even listen.
Wonder why I don’t like being around you…
“Sometimes I get the feeling you don’t even want to be home anymore, am I right?”
Yeah, because everyone in the house is always bitching and it’s annoying.
Sometimes I’d really like to fucking know what the purpose of me living is. The only thing I care about anymore is Jordan. I need to get out of this rut I’m in.
Why can’t I do anything right?
eh, just don’t get it.
At this point, I don’t even know how I could go on without Jordan.
Everything seems so fucked up. I feel like I can’t take it anymore and I’m falling apart more and more everyday. I try to change things and they get worse instead of better. I just want to give up on trying. I want to run away with Jordan and never look back. I don’t know how much longer I can handle things being like this.
It’s fucking overwhelming. I feel like I’m in pieces.
I feel like I’ve lost all of my friends, partly by my own choices, partly due to theirs, the sad thing is, I think I’m okay with it.
I hate having so many people to disappoint and cater to.
